(Note: This article is almost entirely opinion-based, and at times, makes zero sense. KU fans, turn back now.)
I have a poster hung up above the gray recliner in my bedroom. Adorning said poster are the logos of twelve college football teams – Murray State, Buffalo, Boston College, Vanderbilt, Texas A&M, Massachusetts, Auburn, Alabama, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Mississippi State, and Arkansas. These are the teams that my Missouri Tigers play this year. And these are the teams they should beat. Here’s why.
Week 1 – Murray State
This one’s the easiest. Murray State is a mediocre FCS team from Kentucky. They’re a buy game. A cupcake. A warm-up, if you will.
My prediction: Missouri 56, Murray State 0. Not Delaware State levels of blowout. We’d need Lock for that.
Week 2 – Buffalo
Ranked 118th out of 134, Buffalo is a MAC team; the MAC being known for weak teams. The Bulls went 3-9 last year, which is already pathetic enough, but what’s even worse is the fact that they went 3-5 in-conference. That’s right. Weakest conference in FBS, and you still only manage to win 3 of your 8 conference games, with said wins being against Central Michigan (ranked 114th out of 133 in ESPN’s final 2023 power ranking), Kent State (last place), and an overtime thriller against Akron (ranked 131st). Clearly, they aren’t a very good team.
My prediction: Missouri 42, Buffalo 3. Buffalo’s new kicker is an unproven redshirt freshman, but watching Buffalo’s all-time field goal and PAT leader last season ought to have taught him a few things.
Week 3 – Boston College
The punching bag of the inappropriately-named “Atlantic” “Coast” Conference, BC is ranked 58th in ESPN’s FPI rankings, which isn’t terrible, but they’re still forecast to go 6-6. That used to be us, you know. Home field advantage is a key thing here, as the now considered “good” Mizzou team has a newly-improved stadium, and a ton of happy fans to back them up against the first theoretical off-chance for an upset.
My prediction: Tigers 27, Eagles 10. Power 4 opponents tend to be more competitive.
Week 4 – Vanderbilt
Ha.
My prediction: Mizzou 40, Vanderbilt 6.
Week 5 – #14 Texas A&M
Our first ranked team (I doubt they’ll be ranked by then). Texas A&M has been historically overhyped and glazed to hell and back every preseason, only to go 6-6 and lose their bowl afterwards. Example being last year, where the AP ranked TAMU at #23 in Week 1, only for them to go 7-5 in the regular season and lose to Oklahoma State by 8 points in the Great Value Red River Shootout. While there is a chance for the Aggies to pull through this time, I highly doubt it.
My prediction: Missouri 17, TAMU 7. A&M is still an above-average team, so the game will be a bit close.
Week 6 – Massachusetts
UMass is a historically weak team that shouldn’t have ever joined FBS in the first place. They belong somewhere back in FCS like the CAA, where they can battle Maine and New Hampshire every season in sub-zero temps instead of going 1-11 as an independent.
My prediction: Missouri 45, UMass 0.
Week 7 – #19 Auburn
Auburn is one of those teams that either does really well or crashes and burns to go 6-6 and lose a bowl. Case and point the 2013 SECCG and last season… oh wait, they beat Mizzou in the 2013 SECCG. No matter. Despite having an amazing defensive core with multiple 4 and 5 star recruits, their offense leaves a lot to be desired, unlike Mizzou.
My prediction: Mizzou 7, Auburn 3. This is gonna be a a defensive battle.
Week 8 – #5 Alabama
Oh boy. The dynasty themselves. Bama has lost a lot of talent, including the one and only Kent State legend and MAC hall of famer Nick Saban. In his place, though, is national championship contender and former Washington Huskies coach Kalen DeBoer. With him at the helm, and a bunch of… 4 and 3 star recruits, the Crimson Tide is supposed to roll in at 9-3. Those three losses? I’m thinking… Georgia, LSU, and of course, Mizzou.
My prediction: Missouri 14, Alabama 10. Still gonna be a tough one.
Week 9 – #8 Oklahoma
HANG BOB STOO- no, wait, he isn’t their coach anymore, nevermind. Oklahoma is an old enemy of Mizzou, going all the way back to the days of the Big 8. They have good recruits, but I believe that the old bad blood of the 2007 Big 12 CCG will reactivate to give Mizzou the edge in this battle.
My prediction: Missouri 14, Oklahoma 13.
Week 10 – South Carolina
Perenially below-average.
My prediction: Mizzou 38, South Carolina 10
Week 11 – Mississippi State
See above.
My prediction: Mizzou 38, MSU 10
Week 12 (Rivalry Week) – Arkansas
Arkansas has fallen from grace. Our last meeting proves it. Wooo.
My prediction: Missouri 35, Arkansas 7.
So we’ve covered the regular season. This scenario’s next progression is obviously losing to either Georgia or Texas in the SECCG, and then going to the playoff to play against #7 Notre Dame, assuming Mizzou stays at #10. If we win, we play #2 Oregon, and then if we win that, we play the winner of what I’m predicting to be the Big 12 champion vs. the winner of 6 and 11.
What happens after that is a mystery, but before you go, you should know – The chance of Mizzou winning the CFP is higher than the chance of them going 12-0. So if they go undefeated, who knows what could happen?
I guess we’ll see in September.
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