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Opinion: The Panthers suck so much that I replaced them with the Birmingham Stallions in Retro Bowl

2-15.

Not many can claim a record as truly pitiful as the 2023 Carolina Panthers. Only 16 teams have done worse than this, including my own St. Louis Rams (obligatory Fuck Kroenke), and coincidentally, the ’01 Panthers. And the last few seasons haven’t been much better. 7-10, 5-12, 5-11, 5-11 again, 7-9 – the Panthers’ last winning season was their 11-5 campaign in 2017, in which they lost to division rival New Orleans in the first round of the playoffs.

Obviously, with their all-time winning percentage of .474, the Panthers clearly suck. You know who doesn’t? The Birmingham Stallions.

The Stallions, in their entire existence, have lost a total of four games. Granted, they were founded in 2022, but 3 straight league championships is nothing to scoff at. So when I was in the Retro Bowl team editor, sending everyone back to where they were in 2015 (Fuck Kroenke), I looked to the NFC South, and thought, “The Panthers are ass, they need to be GONE!”

So I replaced them with Birmingham. Because Birmingham doesn’t suck.

Hopefully this filler article will satisfy you until Mizzou season. See ya!

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