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Editorial: Coyotes win as entire Portland State team falls to whooping cough
On Saturday, South Dakota and Portland State decided to cancel their football game due to an outbreak of pertussis (commonly known as whooping cough) among the PSU team. Noticed how I said cancelled. That’s right. Apparently, this was a mutual decision. Before I give my take on the matter, here’s a bit of background. They…
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Opinion: The Panthers suck so much that I replaced them with the Birmingham Stallions in Retro Bowl
2-15. Not many can claim a record as truly pitiful as the 2023 Carolina Panthers. Only 16 teams have done worse than this, including my own St. Louis Rams (obligatory Fuck Kroenke), and coincidentally, the ’01 Panthers. And the last few seasons haven’t been much better. 7-10, 5-12, 5-11, 5-11 again, 7-9 – the Panthers’…
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Editorial: Is there a tower down around here?
Author’s note: I’m not a cellular engineer, so take what I’m saying with a grain of salt. If you are, and you do know what’s happening, leave a comment or shoot me an email at quinn.jones@hbstv.net. LABADIE, Missouri — My mother, on her way to Walmart, decided to call my Dad, only for the call…
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Thanks Captain Obvious: USA Today declares that hurricane season has not ended
Ah, yes, because we all thought that hurricane season was over in the middle of July. Warning: the following article, while being very sarcastic and dry in tone, is meant to be a constructive criticism of publications trying to cover topics that they seemingly know next to nothing about. The article in question discusses the…
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Editorial: Mizzou could easily go 12-0 in the regular season
(Note: This article is almost entirely opinion-based, and at times, makes zero sense. KU fans, turn back now.) I have a poster hung up above the gray recliner in my bedroom. Adorning said poster are the logos of twelve college football teams – Murray State, Buffalo, Boston College, Vanderbilt, Texas A&M, Massachusetts, Auburn, Alabama, Oklahoma,…